


Will You Eventually Say Goodbye?

by charcolor



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Amnesia, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Self-Harm, Songfic, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-10-19 21:51:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20664362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charcolor/pseuds/charcolor
Summary: Why does LenWhy does Rin feel so strangely lonely?





	Will You Eventually Say Goodbye?

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: unreality + family death, plus everything in the tags
> 
> inspired by "tondeku anata ga mawaru" by dobuno awa: https://youtu.be/n74FRJgAjJ4 (video contains glitch effects and eye horror)

"Ah...I forgot to eat breakfast again..."

Rin was talking mostly to herself. She lived on her own, after all, and she didn't see a lot of friends these days that she could vocalize her thoughts to. She only had the quiet walls of her little bedroom in her cottage and the messy, unmade bed she was lying on.

<strike>She'd been living on her own since the</strike>

<strike>She'd been living on her own since she moved out of her parents' house. She'd considered moving in with her friend Miku instead, but she figured being with h</strike>

She'd been living on her own since she moved out of her parents' house. She'd considered moving in with her friend Miku instead, but she figured being by herself was good enough. After all, this house was very small and quaint, and not very expensive at all to rent. It was a nice, cozy living space. It was secluded enough to not be bothered by neighbors, but not so isolated that Rin couldn't see her friends if she wanted. The forest surrounding it always gifted her with fresh air and the songs of birds. She didn't even mind the cicadas in summer. She liked what they had to say.

Nonetheless, living on her own meant she was fully responsible for taking care of herself. And she was always so busy ...

_ **THIS ISN'T RIGHT.** _

And she was always so busy **gardening **that she couldn't even remind herself to eat her first meal. It was a little late now. It was almost noontime.

<strike>Len</strike>

Rin smiled and clasped her hands together. "Alright, might as well start on lunch! I should be able to make a sandwich, at least. Or a salad. Or both, if I wanna make up for not eating breakfast."

<strike>She still wasn't quite used to preparing her own lunch. When Rin was here, she would usually be the one preparing lunch for Len because he</strike>

She still wasn't quite used to preparing her own lunch. When Rin had lived with her parents, she tended to skip lunch unless her parents made it for her. It was more often forgotten than breakfast. Rin figured she might as well make lunch now before she forgot to eat again.

`4c 65 6e 20 72 65 6d 65 6d 62 65 72 65 64 20 65 76 65 72 79 74 68 69 6e 67 20 61 73 20 73 6f 6f 6e 20 61 73 20 68 65 20 73 74 65 70 70 65 64 20 66 6f 6f 74 20 69 6e 74 6f 20 77 68 61 74 20 77 61 73 20 6c 65 66 74 20 6f 66 20 74 68 65 20 6b 69 74 63 68 65 6e 2e 20 41 6e 64 20 6a 75 73 74 20 6c 69 6b 65 20 65 76 65 72 79 20 74 69 6d 65 2c 20 68 65 20 72 61 6e 20 61 77 61 79 20 61 6e 64 20 74 69 67 68 74 6c 79 20 73 68 75 74 20 68 69 73 20 65 79 65 73 2e 20 54 68 61 74 20 6e 69 67 68 74 6d 61 72 65 2c 20 61 67 61 69 6e 2c 20 68 65 20 68 61 64 20 74 6f 20 66 6f 72 67 65 74 20 61 62 6f 75 74 20 69 74 2e 20 49 74 20 63 6f 75 6c 64 6e 27 74 20 68 61 76 65 20 62 65 65 6e 20 72 65 61 6c 2e 20 48 65 20 68 61 64 20 6e 6f 20 69 64 65 61 20 68 6f 77 20 6d 75 63 68 20 74 69 6d 65 20 68 61 64 20 70 61 73 73 65 64 20 73 69 6e 63 65 20 68 65 20 73 61 77 20 5b 52 45 44 41 43 54 45 44 5d 20 69 6e 20 74 68 65 20 6b 69 74 63 68 65 6e 2c 20 62 75 74 20 65 76 65 6e 20 6e 6f 77 2c 20 68 65 20 73 74 69 6c 6c 20 6c 69 65 64 20 74 6f 20 68 69 6d 73 65 6c 66 20 61 62 6f 75 74 20 74 68 65 20 72 65 61 6c 69 74 79 2e`

**After finishing her sandwich, **Rin decided that now was a good time to take a shower. When she'd first moved in, she sort of expected the bathroom to be filthy with soil and pebbles and anything else that could be tracked in from the forest, but it was cleaned often enough to be tidy and refreshing. That was always a good thing. It's hard to bathe to get clean in a dirty bathroom.

`54 68 65 20 62 6c 6f 6f 64 20 66 72 6f 6d 20 77 68 65 6e 20 52 69 6e 20 68 61 64 20 63 75 74 20 75 70 20 68 65 72 20 61 72 6d 73 20 69 6e 20 74 68 65 20 73 68 6f 77 65 72 20 73 74 69 6c 6c 20 73 74 61 69 6e 65 64 20 74 68 65 20 62 6f 74 74 6f 6d 20 6f 66 20 74 68 65 20 74 75 62 2e 20 4f 72 20 6d 61 79 62 65 20 69 74 20 77 61 73 20 4c 65 6e 27 73 20 62 6c 6f 6f 64 2e 20 48 65 27 64 20 62 65 65 6e 20 68 6f 70 69 6e 67 20 74 68 61 74 2c 20 69 66 20 68 65 20 63 75 74 20 68 69 6d 73 65 6c 66 20 65 6e 6f 75 67 68 2c 20 68 65 27 64 20 66 6f 72 67 65 74 20 52 69 6e 20 77 61 73 20 65 76 65 72 20 68 65 72 65 2e 20 4f 72 20 6d 61 79 62 65 20 68 65 20 63 6f 75 6c 64 20 73 74 69 6c 6c 20 6b 65 65 70 20 70 72 65 74 65 6e 64 69 6e 67 20 74 68 61 74 20 68 65 20 77 61 73 20 52 69 6e 20 61 6c 6c 20 61 6c 6f 6e 67 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 6e 6f 74 68 69 6e 67 20 68 61 70 70 65 6e 65 64 20 74 6f 20 68 65 72 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 69 74 20 77 61 73 20 4c 65 6e 20 77 68 6f 20 77 61 73 6e 27 74 20 72 65 61 6c 2e`

** _ <strike>What does that make me, to remember?</strike> _ **

After finishing her sandwich, Rin decided to check on the flowers she'd kept in little pots on the windowsills. They were very small bunches of things like pansies and cosmos in many different colors. She liked to paint the pots with little decorations, too, though she was running of acrylic paint. She'd have to add buying more of that to her to-do list.

<strike>For now, though, the most important thing was to see that all the flowers had</strike>

For now, though, the most important thing was to check that all the flowers had enough water.

`54 68 65 20 66 6c 6f 77 65 72 73 20 68 61 76 65 20 61 6c 6c 20 77 69 6c 74 65 64 2c 20 72 65 6d 65 6d 62 65 72 3f 20 4a 75 73 74 20 6c 69 6b 65 20 e2 96 88 e2 96 88 e2 96 88 e2 96 88 e2 96 88 e2 96 88 e2 96 88 e2 96 88 e2 96 88 e2 96 88 e2 96 88 e2 96 88 e2 96 88 e2 96 88 e2 96 88 e2 96 88`

**For now, though, the most important thing was to ignore it--**

After finishing her sandwich, Rin decided to read the book she kept on her nightstand. It was a very good read. It was called █████ █████. She didn't ever remember what page she left off on, so it was a good thing she used that folded up piece of paper.

** _ <strike> Why did Rin have to use that one? </strike> _ **

<strike></strike><strike></strike>She read the page that she'd opened up to:

_This_ _isn't _██_a_█ _at all, is it?_

_No, of course it is. I know I can't keep l_█_i_██ ██ ███_e_██_, but the_ ███_l_█ _has always been so _█_e_██████_n_█_. It would be so wonderful if I could _████ _everything._

███ _would be so _█████_. I know that, for a fact. I really don't know what _██ _would_ ██_. I guess it's more proof that I should be _████_._

███ ████ ███ ███ ████.

███ opened up the paper. <strike>It was a familiar process, somehow.</strike>

_My name is Kagamine _ `72 69 6e` _. When you read this, I'll be dead in the kitchen._

_Everything is so confusing for everyone and everything, so I think maybe the least I could do is explain my reason._

███ held in a pulsing breath while walking back to the kitchen.

_I don't know why anyone would do something like that to her. She was an angel, a complete angel, she never could've done anything to deserve to be killed. Especially not like that._

_The worst part is that I watched it happen._

It still, somehow, after all this time, smelled like smoke.

_I saw her whole house on fire. I don't remember how I even ended up standing in front of it. I knew she was in there, I knew she was in there burning to death and I did nothing._

_If I wasn't such a vile fucking coward, I would have been able to save her._

Of course, ███'s eyes were drawn to the ceiling. She had to have realized that that charred noose wouldn't have done anything. It would've been too close to the ground.

_It's not just the fact that I can't live without her. It's the fact that the world is full of demons who will never stop taking away innocent people, and full of people like me who weren't brave enough._

_It's hard to think straight anymore. I don't think anyone can ever understand why I can't stand being alive anymore._

Not that it mattered. By the time the fire had been put out, her body was already burnt on the floor, where it was still rotting away.

** _Not even you, Len._ **

No matter what happened, it'd dawn on him that it was far too late to pretend, to rewrite the reality. The reality where he was Kagamine Len, the empty husk of a coward who couldn't do anything to stop his own sister from electrocuting herself and decaying in the electrical fire that she caused. The reality where Kagamine Rin wasn't alive and happy, like she was supposed to be.

But Len was still a coward, and he couldn't keep this chain going. Their best friend, Hatsune Miku, died in a fire, which Kagamine Rin saw before she committed suicide, where Len found her body there and left it. 

How selfish. He couldn't let go of any fragment of Rin that he could salvage.

Instead, knowing it was really all his fault, he tried to convince himself that he was never in this world to begin with.

And even if that illusion fell apart every day, it was all he had anymore, and soon it would be mended just like always.

* * *

"Ah...I forgot to eat breakfast again..."


End file.
